Friday, July 15, 2011

tumblr

I'm graduating to Tumblr! It isn't confusing to my brain anymore, I think I "get it" so follow me there! katiecrutchfield.tumblr.com

Thursday, July 7, 2011

waxahatchee-american weekend

delta queen's tumblr posted a link to download my new full length so go download! http://deltaqueenrecords.tumblr.com/post/7328865290/waxahatchee-american-weekend

here are the lyrics!

catfish
crave, desolate, you dive in, we follow along
i contrive you with whiskey and sam cooke songs
and we lay on our backs, soaking wet
below a static tv set
conversation flows, counting shooting stars and catfish
but i'll never make a wish
barefoot, parking lot
getting high in portland, or
we echo 17 and we glue it back and poke fun
and it gets real quiet, i don't care
darting with moonshine, truth or dare
i say just what i'm thinking and secondguess instantly
and you laugh at me
we stick to our slow motion memory
its 1 in the morning and 90 degrees
and though now it is hovering darkly over me
it'll look just like heaven when i get up and leave
you're a ghost and i can't breathe

grass stain
i don't care
i'll embrace all of my vices
and we'll black it out
or atleast slow everything down
and i'll fish for compliments
and i'll drink until i'm happy
and i'll wonder what you're doing but i won't call
our paths split
its morning but i still feel it
and we skate around
why our intemperance feels so profound
and i let you in real slow
and i regret it immediately
and i run away so fast, you fall too deep too easily
i don't care
if i'm too young to be unhappy
or i recklessly impair
this newfangled proclivity
and i won't answer my phone
and i'll never leave my bedroom
and i'll avoid you like the plague because i can't give you what you want
i won't give you what you want

rose, 1956
sharp hangover, it is christmas eve
it fades and evaporates passing the trains and lakes and trees
your breaths are short and urgent and it is unsettling
you got married when you were 15
now i hide out from telephone wires at waxahatchee creek
your body, weak from smoke and tar and subsequent disease
you got married when you were 15
no miscalculation, each other's only living means
your arms wane thinner
your legs surrender
sunlight probing, it is christmas eve
no stitch of shade, we pass by lakes and big mimosa trees
your breaths are short and urgent and it is unsettling
you got married when you were 15

american weekend
i watch these projections of us
you're magnetic and i cannot keep up
and i feel as you move in real close
and i feel as your head arose
you're a figment
i believed it
i depart, your dog died today
and you drive all the way here to tell me i'm okay
and i left and i didn't say goodbye
and i ran all the way home in the gray moonlight
it's dark now but we made it that way
with what we drink and how we think and what we say
we degrade ourselves
and then expect help
its morning, we're still in the same place
we are diluted, we are the only ones awake
and you hold me like you do it everyday
i chase a graceful way to erase or to run away
we diverge and i collapse into my bed
and you are shoved awkwardly into my head
wage sleep to sleep in
american weekend

michel
hands under my clothes
we can't let it go
you set it up masterfully
and then blame it all on me
cynicism smothering
implanted, blossoming in me
our fun is toxic and bold
embellished and oversold
embody me
because i am weak
i moved out
but i never opened my mouth
i never opened my mouth
it's late, i'm up on the roof
in new york, i hung up on you
i can't pay for the mistakes i made
so i'll just let this die and decay

be good
its unclear now, what we intend
we're alone in our own world
you don't wanna be my boyfriend
and i don't wanna be your girl
and that, that's a relief
we'll drink up our grief
and pine for summer
and we'll buy beer to shotgun
and we'll lay in the lawn
and we'll be good
now i'm laughing at my boredom
at my string of failed attempts
because you think that it's important
and i welcome the sentiment
and we talk on the phone at night
until its daylight
and i feel clever
and i hear the slow in your speech
yeah you're half asleep
say goodnight
now i've got friendships to mend
i'm selfishly dispossessed
you don't wanna be my boyfriend
and that's probably for the best
because that, that gets messy
and you will hurt me
or i'll disappear
so we will drink beer all day
and our guards will give way
and we'll be good

luminary blake
full moon, we see our breath in a blue glow
i follow you to the bar in the snow
and then we roll around in your sheets
and watch our habits become a routine
and we'll fall asleep eventually
and i'll move away, forget today someday
meditate, i expand on the floor
floating in pennies and microphone cords
repeat mistakes, you're easy to erase
and i abstain, ideal falls in to place
but luck will fail
and others will pale
and i'll think of you
and i'll think i tried it
or i will deny it
but it's not true
no one reminds me
that better won't find me
and i won't learn
tiger tiger
i play with fire
and i get burned

magic city wholesale
crowd stale, wholesale
we're on the porch and there's a keg and you are quiet
wind shifts, i drift
to autumn, i tell dom what i see
she laughs at me
blast beat, we retreat
and it's a lonely street, the burden of circumvention
but fractions like us
fill cities and flats and cul de sacs
so we yell over it and have a laugh
and its a laughable scenario
peripheral motion picture show
and i feel your eyes, and i stayed inside
but it wouldn't work so i soak up your vice
tonight's a blur
we meet
you scare me
see, i have met people from maine and athens, ga and montreal
and i'm dead, lips red
licking sugar, i smile at everyone
formulated fun

bathtub
take my word for it, i'm not worth it
i ignored you all night and you don't deserve it
morning, bathtub, my skin soft and hot
i was sure you were right but you're not
i contemplate my ruined fate
someone will hurt me so bad one day
and you'll resonate or i'll apologize
or maybe i'll make the same mistake twice
i hide from phonecalls under the warm water
malice desists, no it woefully recurs
and it plays like daytime tv shows, i confuse you
and i tell you not to love me but i still kiss you when i want to
and i lament, you're innocent
but somehow the object of my discontent
and its fucked up, i let you in
even though i've seen what can happen
you make a tape, receive it in the mail
and i force myself busy, the diversion will prevail
and i will swallow all my guilt with little pills and forge my chin up
and i will only think about it in the morning, in the bathtub

i think i love you
its late
we are not awake
and i smashed my phone
i am learning how to be alone
resoundingly unpretty girl stares back at me
and i become what everyone's harboring from
and is it your fault?
no i think it's my fault
we digress
you're inhaling smoke, emotionless
somewhere on a map
unaware that i am falling flat
and you will hurt me
and i deserve it
it's late
you are not awake
and it's nothing
i want you so bad it's devouring me
and i think i love you
but you'll never find out

noccalula
we'll make it real loud
4 years, we'll barely speak
and you've got a husband now
i have waxahatchee creek
and you used to come here with me
i need a heavy heart
allison's only calling me when her life's falling apart
so i pour it tall and talk to myself in my head alone
but it's really better until i learn how
to gracefully let someone in and back out
but i won't worry about it right now
say what you're thinking, i'm watching thoughts dance around in your head
you'll let me down easy or you'll beg for my empathy
your lips are moving, your mouth is so close to mine
i almost can taste your spit, pilsner brew and cigarettes
if it keeps up we'll run out of time
i'll write you letters and i'll write you songs
and you will be endlessly distracting and then
it falls flat onto paper again
you're in the carolinas and i'm going to new york
and i'll be much better there
or that's what i'm hoping for
and we will never speak again


Sunday, July 3, 2011

hearts//blast beats

I don't want to give too much away...but I'm working on a hiphop project with my friend Marlee. And I'm pretty fucking into it.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Everybody wants something and I have nothing to give today. Lately when I see couples on the subway the first thing that pops into my head is that someday they're going to breakup. They seem so happy and in love and someday they're going to totally hurt each other. Isn't that terrible?

Monday, June 27, 2011

courtney love on the inside

Once upon a time I dated a boy that sang in a hardcore band that lived far away. Let's call them Ill At Sea (IAS for brevity) We saw each other for a few months and things just weren't working out for me. I realized this very abruptly at a time when he was visiting and we had a talk about it. It didn't go well. He got pretty upset about it and that made me feel pretty uncomfortable. After all, we only dated for a few months. I'd just gotten out of a long term relationship and I was feeling really dazed and disconcerted and I confused an inclination to be a part of a unit as adoration/infatuation/etc. My bad. It happens to most of us. A "rebound". I'd say that by age 25 in 2011 most everyone has been on both sides of this situation. I'm diverging from my point, forgive me. He started demanding that I call him to "talk about things", when in my mind I had said everything that needed to be said. He would text me constantly. Long and hateful messages would fill both my text message and email inboxes. He wrote to my sister. He wrote to my best friend. He insisted that multiple pieces of writing/songs I'd completed after we broke it off were about him when they weren't. He got every mutual friend we had involved and slandered my name left and right. He made me feel worse about myself than I've ever felt in my adult life. He said the most shamelessly malicious things I've ever heard anyone say to another person (after 4 months of knowing one another). I eventually had no choice but to completely cut him off. Deleted his number, blocked all emails, etc. I moved on, dated a few others, forgot about him to an extent. I wrote a piece on this very blog about my friend...lets call her Karen...and how she had just written a piece about sexism in the punk community. I wrote another one about my thoughts and experiences on sexism in the punk community. This boy...singer of IAS decided that he should chime in. He decided that as a white male in a hardcore community(a subcommunity of punk and hardcore that alienates women more than most) AND as a grad student or whatever he should point out flaws in my argument, invalidate my experiences and essentially jerk off with pedantic jargon for 6 paragraphs with a weak argument and embarrassingly obvious (to me) ulterior motives. Just when I started to feel like a dialogue about this issue was really opening up, my (sort of) exboyfriend decides that he's going to pop up and drag down all of these compelling and positive essays with an irrelevant circle jerk of bullshit. Pretty fucked up. Pretty fucked up, indeed. I wrote my friend who runs the blog to tell him why the singer of IAS's submission was upsetting to me and he was totally cool about it. Other contributors were cool about it too. But just the fact that my real life experiences that I turned into a positive exposition could be brushed aside so easily by a slighted, hyper-masculine weiner is unnerving. It's almost a natural example of what I've been saying all along, but that in itself is totally disheartening.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Sunday, June 19, 2011

quiet

concept of uninterrupted silence. i keep thinking about tripp's show that i missed last night. i keep thinking about how little sleep i'm running on. despite both of those things i feel really good. uninterrupted silence would be really nice though.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

drunk and sad and listening to henry's dress

i realized that there is a third king everything demo that i never posted. here it is if anyone cares: http://www.mediafire.com/?0lv6gx3trpdogpf

i don't play king everything songs anymore but i made a demo like a year ago and realized that i never did anything with it. enjoy.

new york is good but i have no free time. i've written 1 song in 3 months. i really hope i get better at writing soon or i might have to move or quit writing songs.

my love life is messy and boring and the more and more i open up to my friends about it the more and more i feel like a total asshole. my boss did call me "a human cupcake" though. that's good.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

ra ra ra

It seems as though the essay I wrote for I Live Sweat, and the two preceding mine by Lauren and Mariel have warranted quite a response. I just want to take the opportunity to say that I made a promise to myself when I wrote my piece that I had to feel confident about every single thing that I said. I wanted it to be completely sincere so that no matter what fucked up, lude, challenging or opposing comments were made, I wouldn't feel ganged up on and I wouldn't secondguess myself.

I haven't read any of the comments on Punknews and I won't. The support I've gotten from my friends and from some strangers too have really made me feel like maybe people are going to start speaking out more about this issue. I have a lot of peers and close friends who always write/talk/act against sexism/homophobia and all other kinds of bigotry underlying in parts of our community. It seems like that pool of people is growing and I think that's so fucking cool. When I was younger I feel like I was always observing this indifference to safety in the scene and rather than articulating my reaction to that I just kept quiet. I encourage everyone to learn how to articulate their reactions in a positive way. Speak up, yo. People will have your back.

Additionally, The Measure (SA) are playing one of their last shows EVER this weekend at Death By Audio in Brooklyn. My band Bad Banana is playing as well as our homies Big Eyes and Death First! Show's Saturday. Don't miss out.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

THUNDER ONLY HAPPPENS WHEN ITS RAINING

it would appear that I have neglected this blog. I haven't posted in some time and I attribute that oversight to all the changes in my life. I live in New York now and the New York version of myself is just like the New York version of anyone. Busy and stressed out. Don't get me wrong; I love living here. There isn't a moment of quiet or peace or fresh air but something about this city is so stimulating for right now. Maybe it's all the variety and the immediate acceptance of one another. No one stares at you, no one laughs or whispers or makes you feel like you're weird or any different from anybody else. I could be romanticizing. I grew up in a community where there was one way to be. Everyone busted their ass to essentially be as alike as they possibly could. I don't feel like it's like that here. It's really something.

I've been feeling really unstable over the past couple of weeks for a number of reasons but I can feel myself doing things to trick myself out of it. Like sweeping. And avoiding alcohol. And not playing guitar because I know I can't write anything I'll like right now. I hope I can get my footing soon. Maybe it's something else to attribute to all the change.

I wrote a piece for a blog called I Live Sweat. It's about sexism in the punk scene and you can find it here: http://ilivesweat.tumblr.com/post/5167151297/superfluous-stronghold-were-punk-but-we-aint-perfect

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

new york 1/alabama 0

I've been in New York for less than a week. It's been emotionally rambunctious but I would take that over lethargic. That's how I was starting to feel at home, not to sound angsty. I'm pretty sure I always sound angsty. I sort of have a job or 2, I have shows I'm really excited about coming up, I have good buddies, a shitty cafe I like with free refills and I've only fallen off my bike once AND I wasn't even drunk. I know that people say this so much that it holds little meaning but...things are really looking up.

The show I'm most looking forward to is the International Girl Gang Underground zine release party. Bad Banana is playing as well as Aye Nako (swoon), Slingshot Dakota and American Sun. All the information about the amazing zine (I wrote a piece for it!) and the release party can by found here

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

cry uncle

people have spoken to me about this song a lot lately. its really old and i have always been attached to the original version i recorded. i thought i'd share it.
http://www.mediafire.com/?orb3i5l5b23ozqa

cancellations

Maybe my personal blog isn't the appropriate forum for this but it's kind of the only place on the internet I feel halfway comfortable writing anything personal. Hopefully the reasoning behind Bad Banana's cancellations at the end of our tour will circulate enough for SOME people to not think we're flaky jerks. I hate to cancel shows and I feel like P.S. Eliot has a bit of a reputation for doing just that (not typically my fault, though) so I want to address the reasoning. A really close friend of Allison and mine passed away and we canceled our show in New Orleans to come home to Birmingham and be with our friends. We came home last night after Gainesville to come to the funeral today which means we had to cancel in Athens. It was really shitty circumstances, really unexpected and we wanted to come say goodbye to our friend. We'll be sure to come back to NOLA and Athens really really soon.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

negative creep

have a running list of band names. i'm in tallahassee and i'm on cup 3 of st johns wort tea. really bad things happen and you feel tired always. coffee doesn't help. i do feel a little better today. it's the florida weather and the rootbeer. i realize this is incoherent.

Friday, February 25, 2011

ricky

one time when i was living in tuscaloosa tripp talked me into buying mushrooms with him and then talked me into eating the whole bag with him on a school night. i freaked out and made everyone leave my room and only let anyone come in if all the lights were out and i could stay under my covers. i wrote a song about it. tripp won't ever hear it. there is so much i wish i could tell him and so many funny things i'd like to reminisce with him and i want to dance with him and hug him and tell him how much i love him. today fucking sucks. no one was just his acquaintance. everyone was his friend. sometimes you really don't know how much someone means to you until you can't tell them anymore.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

i was so nervous, ridiculously nervous

I realize I've neglected this thing since I left for tour. I'll attempt a halfass recap. I'm in Bloomington at my friend Toby's house drinking coffee and being on a computer for the first time since the last time. I was telling everyone as we were driving in to town yesterday evening how much I like playing college towns. We've pretty much stuck to playing big cities on this tour with a few exceptions and playing a small town really breaks up the monotony in a great way.

Sourpatch left us a few nights ago to fly away to Europe and I must say that I haven't met and instantly connected with four people like that maybe ever in my life. I miss having them around and I certainly miss watching them play every night.

Today we're driving to Chicago. The show tonight is possibly the most highly-anticipated show of the tour. Chicago is always really good to me and Allison and This Is My Fist is playing. I can't wait.

Aside from tour stuff, we saw Marco a few nights ago and got the sleeves and inserts for "Sadie"-they look tight. I also got wind that the artwork to my new solo record is near finished as well. Projects!!

Ramsey (our sweet roadie) is leaving us after tonight's show. Big bummer. She bought me a Justin Bieber activity book yesterday so that's been keeping us occupied. He's a Pisces. (of course)

Sunday, February 13, 2011

start today

i know i have beaten this whole tour thing into the ground, but here are the dates with the venues and all that so you'll know where to find me for the next 3 weeks.

february 13th: NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ @ mccormick's pub w/ backpocket, sparkle shit, crimes
february 14th: WASHINGTON DC @ the dollhouse w/hot mess, sourpatch
february 15th: RICHMOND, VA @ rock garden w/sundials, little master, sourpatch
february 16th: BALTIMORE, MD @ hexagon space w/ paul baribeau, the boy who could fly, sourpatch
february 17th: PHILADELPHIA, PA @ the marvelous w/cat vet, sourpatch
february 18th: EASTHAMPTON, MA @ the flywheel w/ libyans, parasol, sourpatch
february 19th: BROOKLYN, NY @ 538 johnson w/ aye nako, dear marje, sourpatch
february 20th: BUFFALO, NY @ sugar city
february 21st: COLUMBUS, OH @ the monster house w/ maryn jones, the hemlocks
february 22nd: BLOOMINGTON, IN @ the way out w/ beaker, high dives
february 23rd: CHICAGO, IL @ treasure town w/ this is my fist!, scabs, new creases
february 24th: LANSING, IL @ browntown w/ grown ups, like bats, new creases
february 25th: CHATTANOOGA @ sluggos north w/ bastard kind, twat sauce
february 26th: NEW ORLEANS, LA @nowe miasto w/ small bones, yellow fever, firebrand
february 27th: TALLAHASSEE, FL @ fresh fest 4
february 28th: TAMPA, FL @ transitions art gallery w/ bitter hearts
march 1st: GAINESVILLE, FL @ 1982 w/ bitter hearts, senders, imperial can
march 2nd: ATHENS, GA @ farm 255 w/ dead dog

see you soon!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

brag

on this tour we are playing with sourpatch, backpocket, sparkle shit, hot mess, paul baribeau, libyans, cat vet, aye nako, this is my fist, new creases, grown ups, like bats, yellow fever, small bones, senders, bitter hearts, dead dog and many more and it is making all the stress of getting ready melt into overwhelming excitement. we're really lucky.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

somebody get this girl a tampon


this man has really helped me lately. i don't think he's god. i don't agree with everything he says. i am merely in love with the idea of being brutally honest and telling people the things they don't want to hear in order to help them. i've always thought of myself as more of a rose than a dorothy but i'm going to try and adopt this principle and i would encourage others to follow. 2011 is going to be about reality for katie crutchfield.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

boys fun

over the past few years i've developed and obsessed over a hypothesis regarding the male domination in the "big scheme" umbrella of the punk rock counter culture/diy community/whatever. it's been tested and proven (by me) time and time again and no one ever brings it to light. lauren denitzio, a dear friend of mine, recently wrote a piece that was reposted by punknews. it was (big shock) "misunderstood" by punknews readers for the most part. i mean based on my observation, the typical punknews patron is a 15 year old browbeat dick wad, but because the internet can be a conveniently anonymous place for bigots and browbeat dick wads alike, i have to assume that punknews represents the typical "punk". i'm going off on a tangent. let it be known that i have consumed a significant and notably impressive amount of whiskey tonight and it has created a soapbox in which i will stand on and shout to whoever the fuck wants to listen: sexist/bigoted pricks in the punk scene are really just like slighted ex-boyfriends....and THAT is my everlasting two cents. my hypothesis. you confront them, they pull out the lowest of low blows because they're intimidated/rejected/scorned..and while many times they are physically overbearing, they are also mentally and emotionally anxious, inept and scared shitless. it's a hypermasculine defense mechanism. calling punk dudes out for being oppressive and alienating is essentially like breaking up with your boyfriend when you're a freshman in highschool. it is most certainly the "right" thing to do, you just have to be prepared to be called a cunt on the internet.

Monday, February 7, 2011

waxalyrics

here are the promised lyrics from the Chris Clavin split tape I did. The link to buy the tape from PIX is :http://www.plan-it-x.org/release/chris-clavin/waxahatchee-chris-clavin-split/

sister saint

weak knees, fuck yr sympathy
i'll be my own best friend
she prays as the radio plays
"i see a bad moon rising.." again
foretold, she lives on hold
what is she trying to save me from?
blindspot in the adjacent lot
waiting for my time to come
i won't wait in this line
i've got nothing left in me
my weight on yr shifting spine
i fuck up and you fabricate me
gray days on paper plates
our vibrations collide
arcane, sister's a saint
she sets herself aside
pitfall, publish, appall
i fall down right in the street
you blow smoke, you sugarcoat
then you take a front row seat
and i think i've had enough
i'm not listening to it
lay all of yr cards on the table
i know that you'd take every bit
i won't wait in this line
sooner or later it goes awry
and you live yr life like a chore
and i'm not listening anymore


whiskey & math

i'm not singing our song
i've been waiting here for way too long
working out long equations
drinking from paper bags
and i've spent 14 summers
fucking around with this idea
and i'll strain every connection
and show you what i'm made of
you said again
you get what you put in
my phone won't ring
i've put in nothing
i'm not blaming myself
you're down to dusty bones
and i read about women in black
floating up to the gray sky
and if i was wherever you are
i'd tell you pretty things like
we can stay as long as you want
tangled in sunny daylight
those ladies in black
i saw them ascending, half-smiling
and we live this scripted fate
in these moments we drop it and run away

home game

23rd street
the only girl i've ever seen
pumpkin street light
i was just 14
you are not sick
you hit your head on the brick wall
quick comprehension
gold rings and waterfalls
we lived a fleeting convention
but i felt constant in others' absence
your mama, barely awake
and your feigned light heart
i was stuck from the start
trophy of mine
highschool football games
enemy lines
i think both sides feel the same
paris in the back of yr mom's chevrolet
she pretends we're not there, she smells like yesterday
we live like the last two on earth
and we'll float on our backs
til the whole sky goes black
your fresh mind, concentrated
all the water we're made of
til you evaporated
my mother says you are under our feet
under the sidewalks, under 23rd street

black candy

short breaths, our living death
you take me for a ride
mouth shut, all blood and guts
and social suicide
why don't you go, pretense in tow
we'll be alright
eyes wide, good looks preside
you take me for a ride
we ascend, hand in hand
i toss and turn, you understand
we learn to synchronize
tirade provoke and inside jokes
and you just go
moonlight pours in tonight
and you are infinite
we squeeze out dark disease
exboyfriend jealousy
and then you take off
yr name aloft
we'll be alright
fairweather friends forever
and i just wait in line
skinned knees, christmas eve
it meant everything
train tracks, we sit back
watch it atrophy

clumsy

its trivia, the tangles in my hair
winter hat on my bedroom floor
next to yr underwear
and pretty soon i'll have nothing left to cut loose
being clumsy's an explanation, not an excuse
lately i think about insecurity
how i'm not real sure i even know what it means
pushing through each boring, blurry day
this behavior is a method, not a phase
you spell it out, how i mistreated you
and i'm silent, you know i treat myself badly too
so i write jordan letters to say i'm trying to learn
and say i'm sorry for how i acted that one summer
i know i've fucked up, i've put people through hell
well i guess i just don't know myself that well
he forgives, forgets and he thinks that i'm uptight
and i'm learning about loneliness each night

Friday, February 4, 2011

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Friday, January 21, 2011

milkshakes at coffee shops. facebook chat. rebounds. emotional trauma. trying hard not to talk to you. untoasted bagels. no money. verge of tears. heart in throat. red wine mouth. rooster alarm clock. people named chad or amber. disappointing people. ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends finding new boyfriends and girlfriends. consistent self-medication. full moons. hormones. spaghetti dinner. every single fucking person in your life having more important things to do. more important people to be with. giving you those photos. being a hypocrite. getting whats coming. karma. desperation. crying at work. learning how to change. everything in excess. over-stimulation. roy orbison resonating. guilt trips. birmingham. punk rock fascism. talking to distracted people. having no best friend. its shit. its all really just shit.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

fuji apples

CAPRICORN - December 22nd - January 20th
You're becoming more aware of your strengths and weaknesses. Facing up to your phobias is scary, but necessary if you're going to realise your full potential. Be honest about how you've used money, sex, alcohol, drugs, or status symbols to numb your pain. By stripping these things away, you'll be forced to deal with your feelings. You're strong enough to face the truth of the situation and overcome any obsessions or addictions that are holding you prisoner.

So this is eerily appropriate. My behavior lately has been excessive and there are probably things I'm not "dealing with" or whatever but my real problem is that I don't exactly know what "dealing with" even means. How do you "deal with" your problems? I have no pending circumstances with another person or anything. I'm not stringing anyone along. I'm not pretending to feel worse than I do or pretending to feel better than I do. My recent indiscretions (if you want to call them that) feel like they were brought on by a wave of inexplicable melancholy. Or seasonal depression. And you don't really "deal with" that. You just let it pass. I think.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

tired of being...

I think lately I've withheld myself and thus become socially inept. I had a show last night with the Gift. They were wonderful. I didn't know how to be so I got drunk.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

snow

i just finished the waxahatchee full length. 11 songs written and recorded in 7 days of icy solitude. thanks a lot winter. more info soon.