Anyways, I'm going on a self-imposed artists' retreat at my parent's lakehouse this weekend. Either I'll stare at the water for 48 hours and let these sad thoughts float around in my head or I'll write and record an entire solo record with a synthesizer, acoustic guitar and tambourine. This time I am hoping its the latter.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The city that I live in is like increasingly alienating and I'm starting to wonder if maybe resenting where you're from is a cop-out or like the protocol for people who are unhappy or in a liferut (like myself) or whatever. Or maybe there is some astrological explanation. Like maybe some planetary position is the real scapegoat. I've narrowed it down to these 2 things. I typically prosper when things are against me. I feel estranged in the punk scene I came up in. My sister and soulmate and best friend lives far away. Most of the people I feel like I have anything in common with anymore live far away. I have more frustrating creative energy right now than I even know what to do with. I am sort of just sitting here, languishing in a lethargic cesspool of sadness. So either I am on the brink of something big or I am in for a rude awakening. I need a dose of positivity so that I can totally believe that it's the former. I mean, it would make sense right?
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I woke up this morning with an immediate inclination to cancel plans I had to go out to a bar tonight. It's the first thing I thought when I woke up. This bizarre impulse triggered a thought about productivity and how speckled the spectrum is, as far as the people I choose to spend time with goes. I have my hyper-productive borderline intimidating friends. I have my lethargic wastoid friends. I have my friends who are inconsistent and my friends who never finish anything. Going to a bar tonight, for me, means that all I'll get out of this potentially valuable yet small amount of time is drunk and depressed. Fun is more fun if there is a tangible or definite outcome. Maybe that means I'm anti-social. I have just been trying to figure out why I spend so much of my time doing things that are, not only NOT benefitting me at all, but also produce no device or positive result.
So I went from there. Time-management is crucial, people. We are only allotted so much time in life so I'm spending every minute of mine productively...or that's the new goal.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
New boredom, new notebook since I lost my other one with everything I've written in the last 6 months. It's fine. I think it's at Allison's house. It's finally Fall outside and I have been overwhelmingly underwhelmed lately. I keep starting new projects and I feel like I can't get enough on my plate. It's terrible, someone help.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Almond milk makes the morning which sets the tone for the whole day. Last night I made gold raisin cookies with pumpkin and saw a band from Israel called TV Buddhas. If you've never heard them you should check them out. They're on a big US tour.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I have always wanted to do a pop-punk cover of the Softies' "Charms Around Your Wrist" because it's probably the brattiest song ever written. I finally did a version of it tonight that will probably evolve into something Allison and my new band will play eventually. Go download it!
Current life rut is being blamed ten fold on the Mercury retrograde. I don't even care. So I'm a capricorn and we capricorn tend to get depressed when we're dicking around as much as I have been for the last two weeks. (Mercury has been in retrograde for two weeks, mind you) So my current speculation is that my lack of productivity is all due to the current planetary situation. Mercury supposedly rules communication and decision-making and all that stuff, right? So my lack thereof is either because of the retrograde OR not such a bad thing because of the retrograde. I have read that during these things we're supposed to be passive and reflective. It goes against my nature, but I am officially embracing it. That's all.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Morale boosters and hangover cures. Bruce Springsteen. Iced Coffee. Being a third wheel. Trashcan fires. Trespassing. Tall cans.
My job blocked facebook today. FASCHISTS.
Here is a poem I wrote for a women in punk compilation P.S. Eliot is going to be on coming out on Paper and Plastick in the near future: