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waxahatchee-american weekend

delta queen's tumblr posted a link to download my new full length so go download! http://deltaqueenrecords.tumblr.com/post/7328865290/waxahatchee-american-weekend

here are the lyrics!

catfish

crave, desolate, you dive in, we follow along

i contrive you with whiskey and sam cooke songs

and we lay on our backs, soaking wet

below a static tv set

conversation flows, counting shooting stars and catfish

but i'll never make a wish

barefoot, parking lot

getting high in portland, or

we echo 17 and we glue it back and poke fun

and it gets real quiet, i don't care

darting with moonshine, truth or dare

i say just what i'm thinking and secondguess instantly

and you laugh at me

we stick to our slow motion memory

its 1 in the morning and 90 degrees

and though now it is hovering darkly over me

it'll look just like heaven when i get up and leave

you're a ghost and i can't breathe

grass stain

i don't care

i'll embrace all of my vices

and we'll black it out

or atleast slow everything down

and i'll fish for compliments

and i'll drink until i'm happy

and i'll wonder what you're doing but i won't call

our paths split

its morning but i still feel it

and we skate around

why our intemperance feels so profound

and i let you in real slow

and i regret it immediately

and i run away so fast, you fall too deep too easily

i don't care

if i'm too young to be unhappy

or i recklessly impair

this newfangled proclivity

and i won't answer my phone

and i'll never leave my bedroom

and i'll avoid you like the plague because i can't give you what you want

i won't give you what you want

rose, 1956

sharp hangover, it is christmas eve

it fades and evaporates passing the trains and lakes and trees

your breaths are short and urgent and it is unsettling

you got married when you were 15

now i hide out from telephone wires at waxahatchee creek

your body, weak from smoke and tar and subsequent disease

you got married when you were 15

no miscalculation, each other's only living means

your arms wane thinner

your legs surrender

sunlight probing, it is christmas eve

no stitch of shade, we pass by lakes and big mimosa trees

your breaths are short and urgent and it is unsettling

you got married when you were 15

american weekend

i watch these projections of us

you're magnetic and i cannot keep up

and i feel as you move in real close

and i feel as your head arose

you're a figment

i believed it

i depart, your dog died today

and you drive all the way here to tell me i'm okay

and i left and i didn't say goodbye

and i ran all the way home in the gray moonlight

it's dark now but we made it that way

with what we drink and how we think and what we say

we degrade ourselves

and then expect help

its morning, we're still in the same place

we are diluted, we are the only ones awake

and you hold me like you do it everyday

i chase a graceful way to erase or to run away

we diverge and i collapse into my bed

and you are shoved awkwardly into my head

wage sleep to sleep in

american weekend

michel

hands under my clothes

we can't let it go

you set it up masterfully

and then blame it all on me

cynicism smothering

implanted, blossoming in me

our fun is toxic and bold

embellished and oversold

embody me

because i am weak

i moved out

but i never opened my mouth

i never opened my mouth

it's late, i'm up on the roof

in new york, i hung up on you

i can't pay for the mistakes i made

so i'll just let this die and decay

be good

its unclear now, what we intend

we're alone in our own world

you don't wanna be my boyfriend

and i don't wanna be your girl

and that, that's a relief

we'll drink up our grief

and pine for summer

and we'll buy beer to shotgun

and we'll lay in the lawn

and we'll be good

now i'm laughing at my boredom

at my string of failed attempts

because you think that it's important

and i welcome the sentiment

and we talk on the phone at night

until its daylight

and i feel clever

and i hear the slow in your speech

yeah you're half asleep

say goodnight

now i've got friendships to mend

i'm selfishly dispossessed

you don't wanna be my boyfriend

and that's probably for the best

because that, that gets messy

and you will hurt me

or i'll disappear

so we will drink beer all day

and our guards will give way

and we'll be good

luminary blake

full moon, we see our breath in a blue glow

i follow you to the bar in the snow

and then we roll around in your sheets

and watch our habits become a routine

and we'll fall asleep eventually

and i'll move away, forget today someday

meditate, i expand on the floor

floating in pennies and microphone cords

repeat mistakes, you're easy to erase

and i abstain, ideal falls in to place

but luck will fail

and others will pale

and i'll think of you

and i'll think i tried it

or i will deny it

but it's not true

no one reminds me

that better won't find me

and i won't learn

tiger tiger

i play with fire

and i get burned

magic city wholesale

crowd stale, wholesale

we're on the porch and there's a keg and you are quiet

wind shifts, i drift

to autumn, i tell dom what i see

she laughs at me

blast beat, we retreat

and it's a lonely street, the burden of circumvention

but fractions like us

fill cities and flats and cul de sacs

so we yell over it and have a laugh

and its a laughable scenario

peripheral motion picture show

and i feel your eyes, and i stayed inside

but it wouldn't work so i soak up your vice

tonight's a blur

we meet

you scare me

see, i have met people from maine and athens, ga and montreal

and i'm dead, lips red

licking sugar, i smile at everyone

formulated fun

bathtub

take my word for it, i'm not worth it

i ignored you all night and you don't deserve it

morning, bathtub, my skin soft and hot

i was sure you were right but you're not

i contemplate my ruined fate

someone will hurt me so bad one day

and you'll resonate or i'll apologize

or maybe i'll make the same mistake twice

i hide from phonecalls under the warm water

malice desists, no it woefully recurs

and it plays like daytime tv shows, i confuse you

and i tell you not to love me but i still kiss you when i want to

and i lament, you're innocent

but somehow the object of my discontent

and its fucked up, i let you in

even though i've seen what can happen

you make a tape, receive it in the mail

and i force myself busy, the diversion will prevail

and i will swallow all my guilt with little pills and forge my chin up

and i will only think about it in the morning, in the bathtub

i think i love you

its late

we are not awake

and i smashed my phone

i am learning how to be alone

resoundingly unpretty girl stares back at me

and i become what everyone's harboring from

and is it your fault?

no i think it's my fault

we digress

you're inhaling smoke, emotionless

somewhere on a map

unaware that i am falling flat

and you will hurt me

and i deserve it

it's late

you are not awake

and it's nothing

i want you so bad it's devouring me

and i think i love you

but you'll never find out

noccalula

we'll make it real loud

4 years, we'll barely speak

and you've got a husband now

i have waxahatchee creek

and you used to come here with me

i need a heavy heart

allison's only calling me when her life's falling apart

so i pour it tall and talk to myself in my head alone

but it's really better until i learn how

to gracefully let someone in and back out

but i won't worry about it right now

say what you're thinking, i'm watching thoughts dance around in your head

you'll let me down easy or you'll beg for my empathy

your lips are moving, your mouth is so close to mine

i almost can taste your spit, pilsner brew and cigarettes

if it keeps up we'll run out of time

i'll write you letters and i'll write you songs

and you will be endlessly distracting and then

it falls flat onto paper again

you're in the carolinas and i'm going to new york

and i'll be much better there

or that's what i'm hoping for

and we will never speak again

hearts//blast beats

I don't want to give too much away...but I'm working on a hiphop project with my friend Marlee. And I'm pretty fucking into it.

Everybody wants something and I have nothing to give today. Lately when I see couples on the subway the first thing that pops into my head is that someday they're going to breakup. They seem so happy and in love and someday they're going to totally hurt each other. Isn't that terrible?

courtney love on the inside

Once upon a time I dated a boy that sang in a hardcore band that lived far away. Let's call them Ill At Sea (IAS for brevity) We saw each other for a few months and things just weren't working out for me. I realized this very abruptly at a time when he was visiting and we had a talk about it. It didn't go well. He got pretty upset about it and that made me feel pretty uncomfortable. After all, we only dated for a few months. I'd just gotten out of a long term relationship and I was feeling really dazed and disconcerted and I confused an inclination to be a part of a unit as adoration/infatuation/etc. My bad. It happens to most of us. A "rebound". I'd say that by age 25 in 2011 most everyone has been on both sides of this situation. I'm diverging from my point, forgive me. He started demanding that I call him to "talk about things", when in my mind I had said everything that needed to be said. He would text me constantly. Long and hateful messages would fill both my text message and email inboxes. He wrote to my sister. He wrote to my best friend. He insisted that multiple pieces of writing/songs I'd completed after we broke it off were about him when they weren't. He got every mutual friend we had involved and slandered my name left and right. He made me feel worse about myself than I've ever felt in my adult life. He said the most shamelessly malicious things I've ever heard anyone say to another person (after 4 months of knowing one another). I eventually had no choice but to completely cut him off. Deleted his number, blocked all emails, etc. I moved on, dated a few others, forgot about him to an extent. I wrote a piece on this very blog about my friend...lets call her Karen...and how she had just written a piece about sexism in the punk community. I wrote another one about my thoughts and experiences on sexism in the punk community. This boy...singer of IAS decided that he should chime in. He decided that as a white male in a hardcore community(a subcommunity of punk and hardcore that alienates women more than most) AND as a grad student or whatever he should point out flaws in my argument, invalidate my experiences and essentially jerk off with pedantic jargon for 6 paragraphs with a weak argument and embarrassingly obvious (to me) ulterior motives. Just when I started to feel like a dialogue about this issue was really opening up, my (sort of) exboyfriend decides that he's going to pop up and drag down all of these compelling and positive essays with an irrelevant circle jerk of bullshit. Pretty fucked up. Pretty fucked up, indeed. I wrote my friend who runs the blog to tell him why the singer of IAS's submission was upsetting to me and he was totally cool about it. Other contributors were cool about it too. But just the fact that my real life experiences that I turned into a positive exposition could be brushed aside so easily by a slighted, hyper-masculine weiner is unnerving. It's almost a natural example of what I've been saying all along, but that in itself is totally disheartening.

MORRISSEY MODE

quiet

concept of uninterrupted silence. i keep thinking about tripp's show that i missed last night. i keep thinking about how little sleep i'm running on. despite both of those things i feel really good. uninterrupted silence would be really nice though.